Alissa. Thank you for sharing so freely. I too am the parent of a twice exceptional child. My oldest, C, is and has been and will always be his own unique joy and unique challenge. He engenders loyalty in so many ways from everyone who meets him, but rarely from a place of how good he can be.
I’ve also seen many of your experiences in my own life. I never ripped the head off a doll, but I certainly have thrown my fair share of stuffed animals at my kids. I’ve seen and felt the unadulterated rage coursing through my body, and my children know what it means to cuss like a sailor. But I’ll also go to hell and back to fight for them.
I had never really thought about those of us who want to be loved not because we are good, but in spite of our badness. We all just want to be allowed to be human, ourselves, without judgment and with unconditional love.
"I wasn’t good and I wasn’t interested in being good. I wanted to be loved for more than goodness, I wanted to be loved in spite of my badness."
Picked out the same dime as Latham.
Alissa, this is so beautiful, so raw, and so reflective of the complex emotions inside of us, especially us parents. It's as if we are tightrope walkers, and the spar we hold in our hands reflects our range of feelings - joy, love, and happiness on one end, and rage, frustration and anger on the other.
When we become parents, the width of the spar increases by 10X - meaning the range of what we feel is so much greater, more intense, and downright scary. And we need to learn to contend with, manage, and embrace those feelings inside. Perhaps by the time we are becoming reasonable at doing so, our kids will be gone.
The life we live is the lesson we teach. When rage is running through my emotional system, I, like you and Latham, try and disrupt it, and not let my kids see it, so as to not pass it along to them. It's a struggle, one that I've lost, and one that I've won, one circumstance at a time. (two many ones/won in that sentence!)
Last, isn't it true that the essays that are our hardest to write, and the ones we put off, can be the most profound. Thank you for pushing through to the end of this. It will make me a better person and parent. And you will have invisibly impacted my daughters as a result.
What a beautiful tribute it is to suggest I've impacted your daughters, James. That means so very much. I feel lucky to have met you, and to learn from you. Thank you for always championing me, my friend.
This is so beautiful, Alissa. I admire your openness in sharing this. Also, I had forgotten how much I loved reading Roald Dahl as a child! Such fond memories.
Alissa. I feel relief in reading this essay. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably and vividly. So many takeaways. It all was so good but The start of this essay was incredible, 💕
You write wonderfully, I could feel myself tapping to the rhythm of your writing. The world needs more honest admissions of what it means to be human, imperfect but human.
Your best yet! Beautifully vulnerable. Loved the line “But there is also the funhouse mirror of parenthood. I’m both shrunk by the task and made large by it.”
Alissa. Thank you for sharing so freely. I too am the parent of a twice exceptional child. My oldest, C, is and has been and will always be his own unique joy and unique challenge. He engenders loyalty in so many ways from everyone who meets him, but rarely from a place of how good he can be.
I’ve also seen many of your experiences in my own life. I never ripped the head off a doll, but I certainly have thrown my fair share of stuffed animals at my kids. I’ve seen and felt the unadulterated rage coursing through my body, and my children know what it means to cuss like a sailor. But I’ll also go to hell and back to fight for them.
I had never really thought about those of us who want to be loved not because we are good, but in spite of our badness. We all just want to be allowed to be human, ourselves, without judgment and with unconditional love.
I laughed out loud at the stuffed animal line. I'm grateful for this glimpse and for your words always, Latham.
"I wasn’t good and I wasn’t interested in being good. I wanted to be loved for more than goodness, I wanted to be loved in spite of my badness."
Picked out the same dime as Latham.
Alissa, this is so beautiful, so raw, and so reflective of the complex emotions inside of us, especially us parents. It's as if we are tightrope walkers, and the spar we hold in our hands reflects our range of feelings - joy, love, and happiness on one end, and rage, frustration and anger on the other.
When we become parents, the width of the spar increases by 10X - meaning the range of what we feel is so much greater, more intense, and downright scary. And we need to learn to contend with, manage, and embrace those feelings inside. Perhaps by the time we are becoming reasonable at doing so, our kids will be gone.
The life we live is the lesson we teach. When rage is running through my emotional system, I, like you and Latham, try and disrupt it, and not let my kids see it, so as to not pass it along to them. It's a struggle, one that I've lost, and one that I've won, one circumstance at a time. (two many ones/won in that sentence!)
Last, isn't it true that the essays that are our hardest to write, and the ones we put off, can be the most profound. Thank you for pushing through to the end of this. It will make me a better person and parent. And you will have invisibly impacted my daughters as a result.
As you feel and as Latham reflects as well,
What a beautiful tribute it is to suggest I've impacted your daughters, James. That means so very much. I feel lucky to have met you, and to learn from you. Thank you for always championing me, my friend.
This is so beautiful, Alissa. I admire your openness in sharing this. Also, I had forgotten how much I loved reading Roald Dahl as a child! Such fond memories.
Thank you, Catalina. I'm glad I could remind you of the childhood magic ❤️
Alissa. I feel relief in reading this essay. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably and vividly. So many takeaways. It all was so good but The start of this essay was incredible, 💕
Thank you, Emma! I'm so glad you liked it.
You write wonderfully, I could feel myself tapping to the rhythm of your writing. The world needs more honest admissions of what it means to be human, imperfect but human.
Thank you, Trupthi. This means so much!
Ah I love this Alissa! Reading Roald Dahl with my mom is a cornerstone childhood memory (:
Aw, thank you, Tommy! I'm so glad you liked it.
Just for the title alone, this essay deserves an A+!
Ha! Thank you, Karena! I was very pleased with myself when I came up with it.
Your best yet! Beautifully vulnerable. Loved the line “But there is also the funhouse mirror of parenthood. I’m both shrunk by the task and made large by it.”